First, I have to share that my heart is full. So full. Let that thought be the underlying message for this story because I promise it is. Remember this post where I said everything would be alright? That was put to the test over the last couple of months. My sister-in-law's family mourned the loss of their mother in March. I saw her for the first time since my niece was blessed back in October. She was a beautiful woman. In life and in death. I couldn't believe that she wasn't living here with her children anymore. That her husband would go to bed on his own and that her only daughter was going to give birth to her new baby without her own mother there. I love my sister-in-law and her family, so if you would, pray for them. They wouldn't ask for it and they definitely never show it, but I know they'd appreciate it. My sweet sister-in-law spent her first official mother's day (which coincided with her birthday) without a mum (mom - tomato, tomatoe) and I know it has to be hard.
Secondly, a happy mother's day to all my motherly friends. Hey you don't even have to have kids to be motherly so a special day to you too. I told you all that my baby and husband were in Hawaii and I was having to brave it alone right? There had to have been a good reason for me to send my baby with her daddy (and without her mummy) and there definitely was. My mother-in-law has been battling stomach cancer. Let me just step away from inside the tragedy right now and give you the details on what's been happening.
Back in August last year my mother-in-law started getting sick. It was mostly digestive issues so she thought it would pass. She then tried natural remedies. Nothing. She went to the Doctors when it got worse and they couldn't find anything. She spent the next couple of months in and out of the hospital and 50 pounds lighter (and later) they could only call what was going on in her body a "bowel obstruction". Eventually this obstruction turned into a mass that they determined needed to be removed. Upon removal they saw that this tumor was, in fact, cancerous and it had spread and become deadly.
Stage 4 stomach cancer.
That's how they summed up 5 months of illness and fruitless tests. Cancer. I hate that word. I hate that disease. I know it too well. When I was 8 my cousin died of the exact same type of cancer. 6 weeks was all it took. One morning he woke up with this horrible pain in his stomach - and he died at age 5. I hate it.
My brother-in-law, Larry, moved back to Hawaii with his wife and their 2 young daughters to help take care of his mother. For those that don't know the Polynesian culture - this is typical. They drop everything for their family. No sacrifice is too great for those you love.
My sister-in-law stepped in as home maker when my mother-in-law started chemo treatments. My nieces (aged 5 and 3) were nurses for their grandma and my brother-in-law was there to support his mother and father. My husband and I were working on when we could go back to visit her and I came to a few conclusions.
1) We couldn't afford for both of us to go
2) My husband had to go ASAP
Because my husband is in school full-time every semester until he graduates in December we didn't have very big windows. There was a 4 day gap between his winter and spring semesters and I knew he had to go then. As we looked at ticket prices (ranging from $900 up for a 5 day trip) my husband kept telling me he couldn't go. He had a two week break between his summer and fall semesters and that would also give us a few more months to save up. We had been trying to save and pay off bills and Harris didn't want this trip to take away all of that and more. I didn't care though and started looking for cheap tickets everywhere I could. My sister, Dayna, agreed and tried to help me but everything was still in the price range of "exceeds budget". Then my brother-in-law, Stephen, stepped in. He flies (frequently and FAR) for his work and has a bunch of miles that he claims they couldn't use before they expired. He asked Harris the dates that worked for him and booked a ticket for him FREE OF CHARGE. It was no charge for Stephen and a huge blessing for Harris. I couldn't think of enough words, things or prayers to thank Dayna and Stephen for what they did for Harris.
Harris planned on surprising his parents but instead let his dad in on the plan and his dad decided he would book a ticket for his mum to fly back to Utah to see her 7 grandchildren that live here and stay for two weeks. It was perfect timing, she was on a 6-week hiatus from chemo, she would be flying with Harris and even her 3 brothers in Utah would be able to spend time with her.
Less than a week before Harris was to fly out, her health took a turn for the worse. The very worst. She couldn't get out of bed, couldn't eat, couldn't speak and her family's world took a downward spiral. Gratitude filled my heart as I knew my husband would be there in 4 short days to possibly spend her last days with her. At this point I told Harris he had to take Kiona with him. He is a very good father. Ever since she was born he would get up at night with her, feed her, change her, watch her if I went out and has been her favorite parent some days (most days it's ME haha). However, flying 6+ hours on his own with her was stretching his limit. The terrible 2's started about 3 months ago and I knew it wasn't going to be easy for him or easy for me to just let her go. I've never spent a night away from my daughter. But this wasn't about me or Harris, it was about his mother. My sister-in-law, Pamela, decided she would fly to be by her mother's side as well and take her 6 children with her so I knew this was the last leg of my mother-in-law's journey on earth. Harris finally agreed that it was the right thing to do by taking Kiona and booked her with his ticket. Hallelujah for free-under-2!
Let me add a side note here about my relationship with my mother-in-law. I met my mother-in-law around the same time as I met Harris. Not because of Harris though. She was my boss when I worked at the Polynesian Cultural Center as a tour guide. She had a nickname from all the tour guides of "Mama Lofi". When you're in College, particularly one in another country, you need a maternal figure. She was so many people's collegiate mother that even if you weren't close to her, you couldn't help but call her Mama Lofi as well. She was everything a Samoan mother should be (emphasis on the Samoan).
She was tough, she was sweet, she was in your face, she was understanding but most of all she was love. When I started dating Harris it was about the worst thing I could've done in her eyes. He was her baby. Everyone who knew Mama Lofi KNEW Harris was the apple of her eye. When he went on his mission, she cried to everyone. When he wrote home she read his letters in staff meetings. His homecoming almost became a department party. So I guess work became a little awkward for me there, but eventually she loved me like a mother-in-law and life has been just fine ever since.
When Harris's sister booked her one-way tickets for she and her 6 children (again with the sacrifice for love) and his father had canceled her tickets to Utah I knew I had to do something from a distance. Harris had told only a few people that Mama Lofi had cancer and even fewer knew how sick she had gotten. He doesn't like people asking him how his mother is because of the constant reminder it was to him. I decided to use the power of facebook. I was still friends with a lot of tour guides and I sent out an event invitation to all that knew Mama Lofi to join in a Good Friday fast for her. It coincided with the day all of her children and grandchildren would be with her and the day we commemorate our Savior's sacrifice. What better way to call on the help of the heavens than this. I gave a brief explanation to everyone about her state, the sacrifice her children had made to be by her side and how the prayers of these friends and loved ones could be their help to the family at this time. I was overwhelmed with the response I got. The small number I had invited multiplied ten-fold and eventually someone invited Harris to join the event. I figured it was easier to ask forgiveness than permission, however, he got the invitation 2 days before the event and right before he was to leave to Hawaii. I thought he would ask me to remove it (a request I wouldn't deny due to the state he was in) but as he read everyone's comments about Mama Lofi he cried. It brought him to tears knowing that so many people cared about his mother and her family. We had prayers offered on her behalf from Belgium to Indonesia, love expressed in Japanese, Tagalog, French and a sweet Aloha shared by all. He happily joined in the fast and provided updates to everyone on how their Mama Lofi was doing.
The day Harris landed, her health miraculously improved. However, this once strong, sturdy Samoan woman now weighed a waifish 98 pounds. She was walking around the house, eating, talking, laughing with her family and in general happy health. No one could believe what had happened. We all knew who to credit though and my heart was happy for my husband and his family. He was able to spend a week with his family, have a happy memory of his mother and enjoy the sun in Hawaii. He came home ready for school, although a couple of days late, and went to work. The Saturday after he came home we had friends over and he received a call from his dad. Not a surprise, though, as we spoke to him a few times a day for status updates on her health. They had taken her to the hospital for another check-up and the results from her tests had come back. Her tumors had gone down! We couldn't believe that the cancer had actually diminished. After running a few more tests, though, there was a worse repercussion. Her organs had shut down. They had given her a week to live. This was devastating. Even though this was always the most probable outcome, it was hard to hear it in words. Harris put on a brave face for everyone at the house and when they all left he spent the night trying to filter his thoughts. Funeral. Casket. Flights. Homework. Work. We forgot about it for the night and prepared for Fast Sunday. We fasted again for her - and each time we fasted it was for Heavenly Father's will to take place quickly. If she was to recover we wanted her to be healthy soon, however, if she was to die, we wanted that to come even sooner. We didn't want her to suffer and didn't want her illness to drag. Every day that week brought on a new challenge for my father-in-law and Harris and every day they got through each challenge. My husband would tell his mother that he loved her even though she couldn't respond and would tell his dad he'd take care of him when he couldn't either. Saturday night (mother's day eve) we were eating dinner (as part of my mother's day weekend celebration) and we called the house to see how Mama Lofi was doing. We were both able to wish her a happy mother's day and my husband told her he loved her. I could hear in his voice that he was now speaking with the love of God threaded in his message. He told her loved her, that he knew she loved him and that he appreciated everything she did for him. He told her she could let go because he would take care of his dad. He would make sure they would support each other and he would look out for his brother and sister. He got off the phone, sat quietly for a moment and I could feel the Spirit. I knew how powerful those words were and how those would carry he and his dad for whatever was to follow.
Just so you know, Harris is his paren'ts only child together. His brother and sister are his mother's from a previous marriage and they are 14 and 15 years older than him. This is why Harris is the apple of his parent's eye. Not because they love their other children less, but because when they moved to Hawaii when Harris was only a year old, the older siblings stayed in Samoa with their grandma as they were old enough to take care of themselves, leaving Harris to be raised as an only child.
Anyway, we went to bed that night and were awoken by a call at 5am. I'll always remember the ring tone his dad has and how, hearing that song at 5am in the morning signifies loss. Mama Lofi passed away peacefully in her sleep and his spirit knew the second she passed. He hadn't woken anyone else to let them know as he wanted this moment to be for the 3 of them. She passed away at 1am Hawaii time on Mother's Day. The beauty of that hour is that all 24 time zones in the world were celebrating Mother's Day. She wanted to go out with a bang and the world will forever celebrate the anniversary of her leaving this earth by remembering the type of person she was to all her knew her - as a mother.
This is not the end of the story, it is the beginning of an even better story. One that I'll have to share on another day as her life needs its own post. I am forever grateful to my mother-in-law for not only bringing my husband into this world, but also raising him to be the fine man he is. The only earthly thing that should supercede a mother's love is the love of a wife and I hope that I can love my husband in the depth he is worthy of. Happy Mother's day Mama Lofi - may you continue to sasa in heaven.
