I don't enjoy reading what I wrote. I used to write precisely. I wrote like I spoke and you could hear my voice when you read my words. I liked it. Now I write to be understood and there's too many words, and not enought meaning. Stuff that I'm gonna try to sound realistic.
Real fact #1. I don't enjoy pregnancy. From the sickness (still sick at almost 19 weeks) to the breakouts, to the back spasms. It sucks. But I love babies and that's how they're made so for 40 weeks I will suck it up.
Real fact #2. For my entire marriage (almost 4 years) I have worked full time and been the bread winner. I've never stayed home with Kiona more than 2 days in a row unless in Hawaii or NZ on vacation. I regret that my daughter didn't get to spend more one on one time with me. But I don't regret putting her in daycare. She has learned more good things there than I could have taught her. I also like being financially stable and free with the money I make. I guess I can live without being a stay at home mother for now.
Real fact #3. I have been in a spiritual rut. Being pregnant changes me for the worse. Even if I didn't feel like doing things that I know were good for me (reading scriptures, personal prayers, going to the temple etc.) I would always feel better after doing them. Now I don't even feel better after doing them and I don't feel like dragging myself to those things? All I can say is old habits die hard and it will be a long time before I stop doing them. Again, I blame pregnancy for this one so I hope in a few months it will go away.
Real fact #4. I'm afraid of staying home full time with two kids. I can guarantee 100% of the time I get a day off with Kiona I love the entire day. After a good weekend (one where I haven't puked excessively and can spend quality time with my family) I consider quitting my job. I'm afraid the grass isn't greener and I hope I don't resent anyone/anything when I decide to stay home full time.
Real fact #5. There aren't 4 weeks in a month. The only month that has exactly 4 weeks in it doesn't even exist this year so pregnant women who claim to be 4 months at 16 weeks can keep dreaming. Sorry ladies, even thought it feels like pregnancy is 10 months long it's just shy of a week over 9 months. Real fact.
Real fact #6. I am not usually this negative. I would blame pregnancy but that's a lie. There's a lot of things going on that contribute to my "real" take on my current life standings. Life is good, God is good (and has a nasty sense of humor sometimes) but I have more positives than negatives. I just had to get the negatives out to make room for the positives. Indulge me people, what are some of your real facts that you usually say in a nice way to be perceived positively? Trust me, I won't judge you cause I'm too busy judging me. In a good way
P.S. it's a girl :)
5 comments:
I think you are allowed to be negative, especially when you're pregnant because it is not a walk in the park as some people say. I know everyone is different and some people love being pregnant. I, and obviously you, don't feel that same way. But yes, if that is how babies are made, then we deal with it. I hope things get better...although maybe that is after the baby is born? I love when I can stay home with Wes, but I love being out and about even more. I love daycare too because he learns so much and he gets to interact with other kids his age, since he's the only child...and will be for awhile. I miss you though and we are definitely overdue for a hangout. Even if you end up puking:-) I can handle it.
Emily's Real Fact - Some of your posts about pregnancy are seriously making me consider never having children. ;) I do understand being nervous about leaving work and being a stay at home mom... I think about that a lot. When I do start a family, I don't want to turn into the crazy house wife... it scares me. But I guess if I can face my fear of HAVING the baby then I can probably face the fear of taking care of it.
Congratulations on the girl!!! It will be so nice for Kiona to have a little sister to play with.
Ugh. I wrote a comment and accidently erased it on my husband's dumb phone....flip! Anyway....
Be negative girl. I know I wasn't as bad as you in the beginning of my pregnancy but honestly, I was the most evil person to be around during my nausea stage. I complained about people, made fun of people, thought the world really sucked and that people were evil period. I only really start to love pregnancy when I can eat a bowl of ice cream and say, "mmmm, that tastes good!" I give total props to you for bringing home the dough, the flippin' "GOOD" dough I might add. But you gotta do what you gotta do so good for you guys! I think Daycare is awesome for kids too. It teaches them so much so good on you for seeing the positive side of it.
With my dumb menstrual cycle and Dr. Harrison's "iffy" due dates , I don't even really know how far along I am anymore. I just knew that I was out of the first trimester when I started to eat real food. I believe 16 weeks is like 3.5 months right? Pregnancy math is waaay off, haha! But I hope that pregnancy lightens up a little bit for you because a working Momma needs some mercy. Take care and yes, we shall eat soon.... maybe with Darah them :-)
Here's my real fact: I never dreamt of being a stay-at-home mom. I do it because I can and because I know I would regret it not doing it later (if that makes sense). And, I'm sure I suck at it, but I try and I am grateful for the opportunity.
I don't blame you one bit for any of your pregnancy woes. I think of those times as the dark times in my life, I was good for nothing. Absolutely nothing, except being an incubator I suppose.
Once you do stay home I will be available anytime for venting about the difficulties of staying home and won't tell you I love every single stinky, whiny, drive-me-crazy moment. It's hard, good, but hard.
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